Quiet

It's pretty quiet on my blog roll for the past few months. Nobody seems to have anything much to say. Honestly speaking, its been like that for almost 2 years. And anybody who does have anything to say are kids who have discovered blogs and have the most inflated opinions on the most boring topics, expressed in painfully elaborate notes. The general consensus when I was in the middle of my BE was that blogging was dead. Seems a bit like that now. Read old post (with a weird spam comment) now! Also I wonder how many of you will actually read this, since I'm not really gonna post its link anywhere.

It's been quiet from my end too. But trust me, I have only been quiet because I have been busy as a beaver on speed and a pretty happy, contented one at that.

Break the streak, I must. Soon, I will. Until then, let the force help you live long and prosper.

Cosmic romance

I have been waiting. Patiently.
Because, it was written. 14 billion years ago. 

I have been waiting for her ever since we were just star dust as she was waiting for me. I don't know how many suns were born and destroyed over and over again to ensure the ensuing gravitational dance would bring us together and finally, here we are, in this solar system, in the only known life bearing planet.

I wonder what all forms we had to take just so that our star dusts could come together and finally turn into the molecules that now make our bodies.

If she was the star, I was her planet.
If she was a planet, I was her moon.
If she was the moon then I was her tide.

From mere star dusts who once fell in love,
billions of years ago,
from millions of miles apart,
made a silent promise to each other,
to be together one day,
and waited for this to happen while gazing at the stars,
we are now here on the dirt of this earth and
as a bead of my sweat rolls down her shoulder,
I hear her whisper my name and I feel that breath on my cheek.


I know,
this cosmic romance has reached its more interesting point.

Death by chocolate

Mums idea to put these in a box she had

Master Chef: The day I conquered - The dosa

Okay, I don't know if I have written about my cooking adventures from pre college days, but long story short I was a disaster.

Fast forward many years, we now have a kitchen in the house and someday soon it was inevitable that I venture into the disaster zone and fend for my hunger. That great event occurred a few months back when I tried my hand at making myself some eggs and boy did I like what I made!! So did my roommates in fact. It was an improvised version of the bulls eye and it was just the way I like it - Hot 'n' Spicy!!

Mainstream cooking is still not my cup of tea. Eh?

Last Thursday however, I took a small step towards the next big adventure, when I woke up at 11:30 AM, hungry, still wondering what I'm doing with my life, confused, wondering if it was still 6 AM  and thirsty - so I walk into the kitchen for some water. There my super sleepy but sharp eyes noticed the Dosa batter and it looked it was left behind for me, for whenever I saw fit to honour the day by waking up, knowing fully well that it would only happen when it was almost lunch time for them.

I thought what the hell decided to dive into the attempt and this is what I ended up with:

1)

2)

3)

Sniff! I dunno if mom will be proud or take advantage of my blossoming culinary skills. I better not show this to her.

Don't go all please-cook-for-me-next-time-visit on my ass now, because the curry was already prepared by my roommate and very tasty at that.

Hey! One-small-step-at-a-time critics. And remember, this was an unsupervised first (baby) step.

The Avengers - Go watch!

*Not a review*

I had to watch this movie two nights in a row. The first time in a good multiplex - Cinepolis and the second time in a bad "multiplex" - DRC. That's when I realized how badly DRC sucks. The 3d was so good in the first theatre. The first 3d movie I had watched was Chota Chetan in a theatre called Woodlands and the 3D effects for it back in the 90s was way better than watching it at DRC, Mysore.

I have no idea why I agreed to be dragged to it for the second night in a row, I was either intoxicated or I had liked the movie the first time or I liked the company - or all three!

Anyway, the movie is awesome. I only went to watch because I am a big fan of Iron man, Robert Downey Jr and The Hulk. I guess a lot of people are, which is why the directors have focused on their roles and they bloody well stole the show (and I say that with a British accent, so it must be true).

Remember Loki from Thor (2011)? Well he is the villain here and he wants to take over earth with the help of an army made of creatures from other dimensions. He is gonna do this by opening a portal to those other dimensions with the help of the Tesseract from Asgard.


I was not very sure of how much I would really enjoy "The Avengers" franchise, but now I'm convinced. 


Mark Ruffalo becomes the third person(after Eric Bana and Edward Norton) to play The incredible hulk and a very convincing at that. Very convincing as Bruce Banner, very convincing as The hulk (well, lets leave that to the graphics shall we?). Very convincing over all.

Some dialogues (no spoilers):

Tony Stark: Dr. Banner, your work is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.

Bruce Banner: Thanks.


----
 
Thor: You will not talk about Loki like that, he is an Asgardian and he's my brother
Natasha Romanoff: He killed 80 people in 2 days
Thor: He's adopted

 ----


Tony Stark: No offence, but I don't play well with others.
Steve Rogers: Big man, in a suit of armour... take that away, what are you?
Tony Stark: Uh... genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist... 






----



*Okay FINE! This was a review - sorta*

Five most beautiful women

Okay I was asked to make a list of the most 'Lovely' women in the world by my friend "Crazy Lab lady". I took out the lovely and made it - The most beautiful. You are gonna see why you don't question a poet's taste.

Based on not just skin deep beauty, but also on soul, charisma, character and the way they carry themselves, my list of the most beautiful women is as follows -

5. Vaijayanthi Mala

Yesteryears actress. Timeless.

4. Catherine Zeta Jones

Couldn't find big size, good quality pics of this damsel from Wales. All the wallpapers I found had a more sexual appeal side than the beautiful woman angle to them. So I just put these two together. If your imagination can't convince you, go watch some of her movies - The mask of Zorro, Entraptment, The Terminal etc,.

 3. Sushmita Sen

Former miss Universe. Lovely soul. A voice to die for and the eyes to kill for.

2. Nafisa Ali

Picture. Watch. Rub your eyes. Then watch again. This lady has added two units of "stunning" for every unit of "age" she has aged.

1. Grace Kelly

Oh Grace. I will not say anything about her. Click on the picture, watch the bigger picture. Look into those eyes and the lips, spend a few days, finding a flaw on her, then tell me you didn't fall in love.

My friend also has made a list. But, she doesn't believe in making a list of beautiful women, so I guess we will have to settle for "5 Lovely women" as she calls this list. These are not necessarily in the order of loveliness as she has not specified that yet.

1. Audrey Hepburn

2. Nandita Das

3. Jackie Kennedy

4. Princess Diana "Lady Di"

5. Sushmita Sen

Wonder of wonders. Guess who made it to both our lists? Btw, Salma Hayek missed both our lists by a whisker. We are trying to find that whisker.

Bonus!

Do you have a list? Let us know in the comments!

Pratichee Bachalet

Okay so here is a summary of my last friday night,

1) I invented a girlfriend

2) I teased someone I had just met for "exploring" her lesbian side

3) Silently, watched my generous host for the evening get in trouble for all the noise, on our behalf

4) Someone sarcastically called me cute only a few million times, because I wore that shirt again

5) Proved how terrible I am with dumb charades, because they wouldn't take my word for it


6) I called another person a weak frail monkey

7) Someone reminded my how I was their monkey. Sorry I don't have the blog link to show you what that means.

8) I think the right hand of Jesus was sitting on my left shoulder, because I could turn plain water into Tequila

9) Pratichee Bachalet has all the necessary sounds to pronounce "Bachelorette party"

10) Oh Prachi, how can anyone hate you?

Tumhari meri baatein..hamesha yu hin..

Run boy run..

This a true (silly, pointless, facepalm) story:


Once upon a time, me and a couple of friends had to get back home from somwhere. The "home" was a kilometer away and there was only one bike, a Royal Enfield Bullet. The person who had dropped and gone to his home.

It was decided that my two friends would go back on the bullet while I walked back. Because I liked to. Personal choice.

And so they went. As soon as they started, I had an idea, they were taking the longer route because the roads were wider, I could take the SLIGHTLY shorter gullies. So I ran and ran and ran, with the sound of the bullet engine within ear shot.

It was a about a 7 minute run. Guess who got home first?


Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!


Morale of the story: What does that make me?



Come on...its silly, but its cryptic. Im sure you can crack this one!!












It shows I am...

One of these days, I'll get back in shape and show you!

The epitome of maturity

That's me!
                                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                          

Alert: One friend has complained that I write more about my office lately and two have complained that my posts are very long to read. All three of them are certain to be disappointed with this post.

    
Ever since I moved to a new neighbourhood and at the same time moved to this city to start working, the sudden change in environment and the expectation of the general public that a 20+ guy must and should behave like a 20+ guy had put immense pressure on me. I could just not be myself any more.

Back in my old neighbourhood, or even in college, I didn't have to use the gate to get into the house, I could sing as loudly as possible (unless people came over with sticks and cricket bats to investigate if my dad was beating up my mum). I could shout all I want, anything I want.
Aaaaand most importantly I could hog on chocolates around my friends without being accused of behaving like a kid or worse..a girl.

In my new neighbourhood, I am that gentlemen who is in town only for the weekend, very well behaved, opens his mouth only to say "Hello auntiji/uncleji/thatha/ajji". Nice boy! Sweeet boy. (Someone put a silver bullet in my heart. Pronto.)


At office...PROFESSIONAL! *Ting*


As they say, you cannot cage a monster. In my case..the immaturity. And I found that out at the worst possible moment. Let us start from the beginning.

When I started working, my family had their doubts whether I would really get up before noon and head away to work when I was not under their supervision. I proved them wrong by being at office sharp on time, well before 9, spic and span.


But that was 1 and a half year ago. Today its a completely different scene. At 10 AM there is a very good chance that I will still be asleep. When I finally step into office, its 11 AM and I look like I have just gotten out of bed, my hair is all untidy and eyes half open. I notice some of them, say "Hi!" with just one eye open and stifle it with a careless yawn. I do notice my manager who is trying to make some eye contact so that I understand I am late, but I give him more than he bargained for by staring at him for about 40 seconds almost like asking "yeah....so what? So WHAT? Bite Me!!".

I'm telling you, I am very close to getting fired. The only reason they don't fire me is because they know that I AM working sincerely. Many days I work pretty long hours.


Well, enough was enough. Last Monday the manager wanted to give me a piece of his mind. Fortunately I was not the only issue in my team. The others though they came on time, they would take leaves whenever they wanted..and their 'seriousness' was in question because they failed to produce some documents or whatever. They organized a daily meeting of about 7 people. 1 manager, 3 seniors (including my lead) and 3 juniors (including me.) hoping that it would keep us in check.  This meeting was supposed to start from Monday, but as things turned out, I came to office at 12:30 PM while 2 of the guys were on leave.

So the meeting finally happened on Tuesday. When I entered the meeting room with my lead and 2 other seniors, the manager was already fuming thick whitish grey smoke through all his orifices. Despite realising that I was in for a severe blasting, I was unable to stay wide awake, so I immediately went and occupied the only chair in the room. After staring at me with disbelief for about a minute he enquired my lead about the other two "fellows". I assured him they would be in office in 5 minutes with a deep devilish smile.

First he gave a lecture about what he expects from the team. Second he turned to me and lectured about punctuality and how he expects me to come early and leave early or something like that. I had already decided I would not contest the argument and thus nodded at everything he said without a hint of rebellion.

I have been known to lash out at managers and also have an image of a guy who has problem with authority. So clearly taken aback with my calm response, he moved on to talk about the other 'fellows'. It had been 45 minutes and very close to 1PM and they were still not in office. Next 15 minutes were spent questioning their integrity, their commitment towards work blah blah blah..most of which did not register in my mind since I was busy thinking about the good time I had with some my friends last Sunday night at a uhh..coffee shop and how I loved listening to the good songs from Metallica and Cranberries(Which is worth a mention because of the co-incidence that follows). When I finally tuned into the discussion this is what I heard:


Manager(to lead): I ask you again, we can't you hold these guys responsible...what's in your head? What's in your head?

Long silence.

Iceman(very softly..with a tune): Zombie? Zombie? Zombie? Hey hey hey...du du du...

*An Irish blonde lady walks all over imagination holding a guitar*

Now 4 people just turn their heads towards me slowly. Apparently, it wasn't that soft.
Longer silence.


Iceman (Smiling) : What?
*Pause*
Whaaaat??


Manager (to lead in Total Tamil accent): Seriously, what's this guys problem daaaaa? I just don't understand him at all wonly daa.

*Another pause*


Manager (On the verge of a nervous breakdown) : I need a break. Lets end this meeting. We will meet tomorrow.

Its been 6 days. I still can't believe I did that.


The "daily" meeting never happened again.

F************K

Happy Bday Miss One hundred

                                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                             

Ok so there is this entire ceremony that is supposed to be done when we have the 100th follower but I had decided against it, because no matter what I do, it seems to be held as boasting.

I do remember when the feature came out, I requested, pleaded and threatened my friends to hit it and raced to something like 8-10. Its taken quite a while to get to 3 figures. I guess I ain't such a good blogger after all Or maybe you have to be a nice guy? ;)


However, Mish, who had turned into my 100th follower yesterday also happens to be having her Bday today. So all the more reason eh? Though she did hit the button without so much as reading the headline of the latest post, which doesn't seem to serve its purpose. Anyway...

Happy B'day Mish have a great year ahead and thnx for the follow to you and the 99 others. You all rock!
Now please don't click un-follow just to piss me off guys :D

And do read the last post! The Daily Hypocrite #1 - Metrocity A few reactions won't hurt.

Sarcasmacus

"Soldier! Take off your helmet and tell me your name..."
                                                                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                        
                                                                       
My name is Maximus Decimus Sarcasmacus.

Son to- a mom who thinks I should be dating like a spoilt rich teen and a dad who thinks I should be drinking like one,


Befriended by the most forgiving souls in the world, who can put with all my shit even after all these years, and never once say 'I don't even know who you are any more' no matter how many times they discover something new about me.

Master to one naughty dog, who thinks I'm the best human in the world and will love me unquestionably even if I suddenly shout in his ears to startle him when he is deep in sleep, every single day,

Owner of a hard drive that has the most awesomest collection of Music and Movies, enough to last me way beyond retirement even if I watch three good movies a day...

...and I shall continue to have my kick ass life!

Snow white and The Pimple

Pimples, aren't they annoying? Over centuries and centuries of just showing up, they seem to have perfected their timing - for showing up at the wrong place, at the wrong times. Like one of my ex-girlfriends when I was cheating on her.

The first question most people asked me after I started working was "Do you like anybody there? Anyone interesting?". The truthful answer is no, there is no one interesting here (I'm not going off-topic, please bare bear with me here). But...and there is always a big 'but' large enough to make Sir.Mix-A-lot have a fatal heart attack, there is this one cute chick, who unfortunately happens to be a couple of years senior.

Its unfortunate because we have built a pretty good rapport and I'm pretty sure that its illegal in some countries to be as cute as that. Every time she talks, I hear Chariots of fire in the background and she starts moving in slow motion.

This happened a few weeks ago when I'm sitting at someone's cubicle, thinking about how disastrous my life has become, you know with all the slavery and all when I see her rushing towards me from some hundred feet away, frantically waving her hands at me, with a million watt smile, her snow white face glowing like a Deepavali flower-pot. I looked around to see who she could be waving at with so much enthusiasm. This didn't look like a friend-to-friend smile-cum-wave at all. This was the face of a woman in love. Trust me peepal, I know one when I see one. There was nobody around and by the method of elimination, she was comin-cha-get- *drum rolls*- ME!! Yoo-hoo!

All of sudden, my life wasn't disastrous any more. Everything went from black & white to kick-ass High def. Chariots of fire started playing again. I saw her running towards me in super-slo-mo, slowly leaping through the air, her long black tress jumping around her shoulders. My pupils dilated and there were tsunamis in my heart as I shouted to myself in my mind "There IS a GOD!!".

She was only 10 feet away from me when suddenly she noticed this giant pimple on my nose, Rrrrrrrright between the eyes. The DJ playing the background track jerked his disc, making that big 'screeeech' sound and she herself let out a wild, sharp shriek in horror and skid on her high heels because she didn't like the direction she was heading to. She probably slipped and fell backwards immediately but I didn't notice it since the melon-sized pimple was blocking my vision.

The next thing I remember, she is gasping for breath with her hand on her chest, eyes so wide open that they reminded me of a slender loris. I asked her what happened, so she tried to regain composure and tried really hard to smile at me but the horror remained on her face when she said "Nothing".

"You were about to tell me something?"

"No...me?...haha...noooo?....now why would I do that?....Ok bye!"


And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the thing started to constantly hurt like hell and on top of that I had to hear these lines for the rest of the week -

Person1 - "What's that?" (With fingers pointing at my nose)
Iceman - "Christmas decoration! You like it?"

Person2 - "Hey Icema...OH DEAR LORD!!"
Iceman - "Why don't you sit down and have a glass of water? I'll come back later"


Person3 - "Hey..Oh what the hell is tha..."
Iceman - "Pimple"


Person4 - "Hey! Is that a...??"
Iceman - "Yes"


Person5 - "Hey..."
Iceman - "Its called a pimple...GET OVER IT YOU FUCKIN MORON!!"
Person5 - "Relax, I just wanted your bike keys."

So by the end of day 5, to avoid all the shrieking, gasping and fainting -
Iceman - "Make a hole people, big pimple coming through"

And how can I forget this one -
Person6 - "Oh Lord what's that on your neck...oh thank God, it's just your face!"

The horrible little thing had become such a popular figure that they even give it a name -

"The big pimp"

full with celebrity status. Talk about irony! It did everything the opposite of a pimp.


However, the story is not yet over. Turns out the cute chick had actually come to say something to me. But I'm tired of typing today, so I will talk about that one later, even though I hate committing myself to writing about something in the (near) future, so we will see how this one goes.

As for the The Pimple, I must say we Indians are truly sentimental fools. When Mr.Big Pimp, finally found his calling and vanished into oblivion, he was greatly missed at the office. I think they are secretly planning to make him the company mascot with action figures and all. I take it as a sign that I need to change companies soon. Life is back to Black & white, with scratches on film, horrible actors and no sound.

Happy V Day

Those of you, like me, whose inhibitions prevent you from taking a plunge into the water..too sad you ain't part of the 12000 crore industry ;)

As for me, yesterday, my cousin got married (speak about timing), and my four aunts were hellishly busy combing the entire wedding hall for a cute chick for me. And I was the good cousin (as always) helping with and running around for the arrangements. Now I have showed up at office with drowsy eyes and a million aching muscles.

And oh, my aunts were unsuccessful. Cheers!

Narnia and Gaddam resign

In the last week of December both Gaddam and Narnia (mentioned in The Office - Part I) put in their papers and left the office. So I am sorry to inform you that you won’t be hearing any funny incidents about them again. And you probably should skip this post if you haven't read the others, cause that might seriously harm my image. ;)

The Legend of Narnia

The first to go was Narnia. She had sent a mail with all the blah-blahs that you usually get to read on anybody's good bye post and in addition to all that she had specifically asked for some of us to meet her before she left and during this, we were supposed to give her one piece of advice so that she could "become a better person for the rest of her journey. You can be completely honest with me, I won’t feel bad.".

I read the last line again

"You can be completely honest with me, I won’t feel bad."

The good old voice in my head gave out a thunderous, but wonderous “Muhahahahaha”.

You see, this girl had a pretty bad attitude and we all hated it. Some of our work depended on her work and she never completed her work on time and was the least courteous soul I had seen on earth.

And I the kind of guy, If you give me the license to kill, I would solve the problem of over population. She had pretty much done something like that when she asked me also to give her a piece of advice. I wanted to tell her to tone down her arrogance. Trust me it sounds nicer than the way I planned it. In reality I was not keen on meeting her, but I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind. It seems very brutal for a last day chat, but hey, I’m Iceman.

She sent a mail later asking us to meet at 5:30PM in the café. Or at least, that’s what I thought. When I finally went to the café I noticed I was the only person she was meeting. Slightly taken aback, I sat down with my coffee and exchanged a few pleasantries and we lost track for about 7-8 minutes. Then she said “Before I go I want to tell you one little thing if you wouldn’t mind” I smiled and said “I wouldn’t mind if you slap me right now”. She went on “Haha..no, but seriously, all I wanted to say was that you are a bit too arrogant. Try to work on it, if you can’t at least hide it”. Somewhere in my heart, a fat man and little boy were going bonkers and I think there was a little smoke coming outta my ears. She continued “If you have anything to say, something similar, you can.”. So I put down my coffee and replied as cold as possible, “Yes, in fact I had something similar in mind, but I think you are getting late to go home”.

Laughing she got up “See this is what I love about you, it’s my last day and you don’t mind asking me to go” and gave me the usual hug and the peck on the cheek and as she turned to pick up her bag my curiosity got the better of me and  I asked “But really? I was arrogant with you? When?” I personally put up my best professional behavior at work, so even though its common for people to tell me that I’m rude, miserable, sarcastic, brutal all the time, it was definitely a surprise to get it from a colleague. She said “Haan, remember the very first day we met? I was so friendly with you, I’m usually never like that with people at office and you refused to even give me your name. I had to find out from my neighbour. Seriously, what was your problem? I felt so insulted that day.”

Again, If you had read the July post in which Narnia was mentioned, you would understand what she just said.

I thought for a moment if it was better to explain to her but then again, I felt too lazy to do it, so I just heaved a big sigh and said “aah..never mind!”

I am very choosy lately about who I add on social networks what with all my offensive status messages, rude comments and all, so I avoid adding my colleagues. This means this is how our last meeting will end - Interesting and Hellishly Ironical.

--
God Damn Gaddam

And of course, our latest celebrity on this page, Gaddam also resigned and he too sent an emotionally charged email and all the blah blah blah. Fortunately he did not ask me to meet him privately too. But we did meet at a team mates cubicles. At the moment he was all set with his backpack and lunch box ready to walk out of those doors one final time after shaking hands with all of us of course. A few more people assembled when they saw him bidding good byes. I noticed that all the people present there were the same people who were in that forgettable meeting I have told you about. So when he finally came to shake hands with me, all boys and girls started sniggering at the awkwardness that seemed to be inevitable soon.

I thought I would entertain them with the legend one last time and asked Gaddam loudly, but as if I was whispering it to him

“So Gaddam, do you want me to finger you one last time?”.

Roars of laughter followed as we expected a shy response from him but Gaddam smiled and replied

“We are not colleagues anymore, so you can come and finger me any day you want!”

followed by an even louder  roar of laughter, good enough to grab the attention of the entire floor. And it’s a pretty big floor.

The team mates had mocked us every single day after that meeting and yet he never really understood the real meaning of what he had said!

Happy new year '11

I hope the year brings everything in a better quality, quantity and spirit than the years that passed!


Thank you all for the wishes. My year has taken off with a total bang. My network carrier decided to disconnect my phone at 0000hrs exactly, because there were some documents missing. (Which I did submit yesterday morning!). What an Idea sirji?
However, its not clear what disconnect really means, because some calls are getting through while most calls get 'call rejected' signal. In some cases, I recieve missed calls *slaps forehead* Most messages are getting through too. However, I am unable to respond or call back. So have to thank you here for now, Thank You! Again, for all the wishes and Happy new year :)

The perfect girl

Once a man was offered the hands of three beautiful women in marriage.                                               

The first was daughter of a king and was heir to all the riches a man can dream of.

The second was the kindest woman known around.

While the third was the most beautiful.

Who did the man choose?

He choose the one with the biggest boobs.

This was a joke I read long ago (Sorry if you are under 12 and reading this, though thats a slim chance). Though funny and fitting for the male stereotype, I was pretty dissappointed with the ending, since I know that even the biggest jerk will have a better reason for a choice and I wanted to know which of the 3 is the right one to go for.

I have promised to define my own 'perfect' girl at least 3 times, the first being 2 years ago on Orkut. Here is the moment, not even those 3 people are waiting for.

Before we proceed, you should know, I am a guy who doesn't know what he wants. Ask me what I want for my birthday and I probably can't come up with an answer. And there is pretty much nothing You, I or Bill Gates can buy that will make me go wild. This is the inspiration behind the post. Expect the description to evolve over time. Especially since I keep getting the feeling I'm missing something right now, as it is.





At the shallow end of the pool:
Anything above 5'4" (and of course less than, say, 5'11")- Cause I guess, its safe to call myself tall.
Long straight hair - Auuuoooooooooo!! Hoot Hoot! *Insanely stomping on the ground*
Jet black bright eyes - To inspire the poems I write in the future...
Athletic - Enough to accompany me on morning jogs (Which I have planned to restart every morning since Jan 09) :P Not that I would ask her to come with me.



Deep end of the pool:
*Genuine - There are a lot of features that will follow in this description that most people fake for the watching eye. And I can almost always tell when its being faked. God! That will drive me sane!


*Cheerful - Some people hold back when they wanna laugh out loud because they don't wanna be considered immature. Some Laugh out loud on purpose to attract attention, or to let others know that they are enjoying. Either ways would be a pain in the *achoo*. Excuse me. But there is one category, that doesn't hold back a laugh or a taunt or a tease when it has come out involuntarily. Find me a girl from this category.

*Talkative Good at converstaion - Doesn't everyone consider themself talkative? Bitching, Gossiping, crying and making weird noises doesn't really count as talkative. Or to rephrase the feature I would say I want someone good at a conversation. And trust me, Im a good listener. (Though this is not about me).

*Educated (duh!)-Are there any good looking single girls out there who also studied in CBSE? :D


*Loves animals - Girls who go 'chii' everytime they see a stray dog or a cat should be reincarnated as one.

*Kind/compassionate - Shall not talk much about this.

*Nature - You know what really irks me? Complaining that there are too many trees around. That they should be cut to make their lives better, their roads wider and their homes sunnier. I could never be with a girl like that.

*One who is not always saying "Listen! Listen!" - Because they are always bad listeners themselves and thats usually because they are very self centered. There can only be one self centered maniac in a relationship ;)

*Not superstitous - Not a fanatic of religious institutions. A girl who doesn't believe that if she doesn't send that chain mail or SMS forward her favourite God will fail to bless her or bad luck will haunt her for 9 years or a spirit will come and make noisy love to her grandma. I believe in the big guy up there, but Im not stupid.

*Not Opinionated - When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape!

*A little possessive ;) - This is something most people don't like right? I have had some trouble before with a possessive girl who I nearly ended up dating. That saga ended really bad, exactly because she was possessive, but over the top. However, I guess if the person is a little possessive, little, I would take it as a sign of adoration, not insecurity.

*Thank you God for Coffee, Cricket & Chocolates - I don't know how many times I have said that here by now. Anyway, a girl who doesn't like chocolates(Impossible is nothing) - Because I don't wanna share. And a girl who doesn't watch any 'saas bahus', since I would like to watch cricket when its on.

*Movies - Lets me watch movies in peace, without talking to me or trying to cuddle up or whatever. I hate it when people talk when Im watching a movie.


*Intelligence (Most important) - Intelligent chicks are such a total turn on! (Even if I was, say, 3 on a scale of 1-10)
I often come across situations while chatting when people give a puzzled look because they are having trouble keeping up and then there are few people I know who are right up there with you when having a complicated discussion. Unfortunately some are men and the girls are taken. My luck(Or my arrogance which you guys were waiting to point out :P).

*Doesn't complain when I am neck deep in introspection -Other wise this is how it usually goes
"What are you thinking about?"
"You are so mysterious, its scary"
"Why don't you share anything with me?"
"Don't you love me anymore?" (Throw in a few sniffs and crocodile tears)
"Is there someone else?"
"Its that girl from your class isn't it? You are always speaking about her"
When everything fails - "Sweety, I trust you, just tell me whenever you are ready ok?"
And finally "Umm..listen..we need to talk..."

Before I can blink, I am speaking to someone on the phone rubbing my forehead and back to thinking that I am gonna die single.

I am a thinker. I think therefore I am. A fellow blogger would know. Maybe I should go after the blogger chicks, but then again, they are all taken too.


These are my...

HUMBLE

...requirements. This decription was last edited/updated on 25th December 2010.
Does she exist? Well, I better wait for my miracle or realise a few years down the lane that she ain't happening, so that I can come back and trim this post.

As of today, my life is complicated enough. Even though some of the evenings do get a little too quiet, I rather not rock the boat while sailing in choppy waters. But writing this was fun! So much for not knowing what I want eh?

Forty thousand fists in the air

*Quick Post*

Looks like I have crossed 40k.  I like numbers :) Dunno after these many years, if that's a good number or a bad number. I just know that when I started, I would have been happy to know this would happen.

Thank you

In other news, I realised some blogs are missing. Some time ago someone had asked me why I deleted a story after publishing it. Not realising what had happened, I assumed I deleted it and didn't realise it. Now I see that 2 more blogs from around same time are missing. Happened to anyone else?

In yet another news, I just read "The crazy snake guy" and trust me, two months on, I didn't get some parts of it myself. (That should set me back a few readers. Sucks when you all you have are few readers.). It gets crazier when I read my diary, though I hardly read them both.

Of all the insane things I have done this year...

...this has gotta be the most insane.


I return home every weekend. This weekend was not the same. I had a weekend party to organize along with a few others for my company and my cousins wedding on Sunday.

As eventful as it was, missing my sleep and being so tired and all, I was already missing home. I have no clue how people stay away from their home towns for so long. But once you have lived here, you have lived.

Drowsy and tired, I convinced myself that this week would be over and soon it would be Friday, as I folded all my clothes and put in my suitcase in order (Yes, still living out of my suitcase.). Soon I realised it was almost 8 and took my room mate out so that he could buy a cellphone (He has a knack of having his cell phones stolen.). When we were finally having dinner, still drowsy eyed, two people messaged me that Monday was a holiday. And just like that, without any logic or fore thought, I got on my bike and rode 150 odd Kilo meters home.

If deciding to drive 150 KMs in under a second at night (to be at home for just ONE day) and then actually going through with the idea wasn't insane enough, coming home after doing 150 KMs and blogging about it the first thing definitely is.

I wonder what happened to my room mate.

Crushed Ice

It was a really long time ago that I wondered how insane it would be to list all my crushes and the stories related. It's not a long list, but it would definitely be a long post. And of late, most of you hate my long posts (along with my short, medium and medium-short posts). So I decided to not go ahead with trying out that idea. But I will talk about some significant incidents. For example...

My First Crush

She was this girl in my class, who used to come on my school bus. I had never had an actual crush before, and this one really confused me. Having been brought up with a lot of boys AND girls, I never saw much of a difference between both. All that changed one fateful day when she walked past the window beside which I was seated inside the bus, with those earrings.

Yes, it was those earrings that did the trick, sorry if you were expecting something more romantic like long shining hair, or hips that swayed side to side like a plantain leaf in the warm afternoon wind, or a voice so sweet that you needed three shots of insulin to digest her "hello", but I'm not much of a romantic writer.

Back to the crush. She appeared in my dreams that night. I don't really remember seeing her face at all. Just her earrings and her voice, the way I imagined it - hoarse and loud, but lovable. I still remember the dream, it was just as weird as those earrings(Come to think of it, the earrings were not that weird).

Before we continue with the story, I must tell you that she belongs to one of those ultra decent categories. Won't see a boy, won't hear a boy, won't.. Because boys are EVIL!! Well, now she is a bit more relaxed now though.

I thought about her and that dream for the next five days during class, at home, on the football field. Everywhere. Yes. That was my first real crush. She broke the ice, so I guess she will be a legend some day (She better be)

How I got over her

You know how people say that the first crush is really special and you have a weakness for her and all? Well, not really.

This thinking and day dreaming lasted for five days. After that, the school closed for the Dasara vacations and when we came back, I didn't remember anything no more. Only when I finally became friends with her 8 years later, that I suddenly remembered everything and haven't forgotten ever since. I found it very funny how I had forgotten about it. Since I was cool about it, I told her how I had a 5 day crush on her once and Good Lord she totally freaked out and ran amock all around town for the next one month.

" Ahh...that monster said he has a crush on me. Now I have lost all my purity. My squeaky clean image..its destroyed. Nobody will marry me. Why GOD WHY? WHY ME??? "



The Grand Finale (Last crush)

Zooming past all the other mediocre crushes, I bring you to the very last crush, which happened quite a years ago despite being my last. Well, she was this immigrant from Antarctica, she ruled a kingdom there (Queen of ice). She didn't say so, but she was so cold that we could take a guess.

Another good guess could have been that she was a robot from the future/alien planet.

"Feelings? What are these feelings you speak about? Are they the paper things you hang in the toilet? Where I come from, they call them tissue paper."

Thank GOD I never gave her a rose. If I ever did, she would look at it with absolute curiosity for the next ten minutes, the would have bitten off the top, crunched it like a Cadburies 5 star and then spit it in my face complaining that I gave her something that wasn't sweet/juicy enough.

Seriously, at 2 feet 7 inches and 14 microns tall, she was so full of herself, that you could bet your cojones off that when she is finally six feet under, she would turn into a manure mine if you know what I mean.

Brain Versus Heart - How I got over her

You know how all the negative traits of a person vanishes when you have a crush on her? It was the same with me. I never saw how she was close to a star wars character than a normal one as long as I was totally hammered over her. All that changed one fateful afternoon when we met right after lunch.

She might have been a messy eater all along and I never noticed it, until then, or maybe that particular day she had been really messy. Clearly, she had some stuff on her cheek. (To put it in a nutshell. Because the detailed truth might make it gross. Plus I have a weak stomach for such things myself.). So as one last favour to my last crush, I told her to wipe her slimy face, when nobody was looking. And now that I had seen that..I had seen it all.

I mean clearly, I did not want a girlfriend with whom I could guess what she had for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the last three days. No sir.

Score one for the brain. Brain 4 - Heart 0.

Good thing she doesn't read my blog. Or she might fry my ass with a plasma ray gun or a laser bazooka that is likely to be hidden in her bionic arm.


Somewhere in between - my 2nd or 3rd crush..no 2nd..no wait 3rd.

Explaining only my first and last crushes did seem like selling a used shoe for couple a thou. So here is a freebie in the pack.

I dunno which number she comes into. Oh wait...she was the 2nd. Or so I think. Anyway, she was this childhood friend. She had shown that she had a hint of liking to me and for a lot of years that made me uncomfortable. But after I got over my crush of Britney Spears, I started looking at my real life options.

By the way, yes, I am not including Britney Spears in the list. Its just way too lame when people put celebrities on the their list of crushes.

"Hey, who was your first crush?"

"No, its a secret"

"Hey please tell me" (Say its me! Because you were mine)

"No..but I had only like three"

"Cmon, please tell me" (Oh wow, my chances have gone up, but who the hell are the other two losers?)

"Ok. Aamir Khan, Richard Gere and George Clooney"

"Oh so nice" (Bitch!)

Never happened to me but I have seen guys complain about this a lot. So I didn't put celebs on my list. I didn't want to be a bitch.

Sorry about the off topic, so lets get back to talking about my 2nd. So she was this only girl I was close to at that point in time. Eventually I ended up with a teeny tiny crush on her.

How I got over her

Sad story. True story (All of the stories on my blog b.t.w). One fine day she had asked me to meet her when she was visiting my college. I had never made a move on her and had never planned to. Well that's me. But I was meeting her after a really long time. We had just kept in touch over the net and the phone, busy with our own lives. So we finally meet and I get a close up of her and find that she had really brown teeth. Good God!

Score one for brain. Brain 2 - Heart 0


I know. I know. I am a jerk!

(And just so you know, I won't be revealing/confirming the names of any of these chicks online or offline, at any cost. Thank you)

I am the kind of guy who gives the rest a bad name. But give it a thought..imagine me saying

"I like my girlfriend's teeth like I like my coffee...BROWN!"

Thank you brain. All of you are free to go ahead and call me a douche, but believe you me. If it wasn't for my brain and its quick reflexes, I wouldn't be as awesome as I was today and I wouldn't have written a single story on my blog.

And if you must know about my celebrity crushes, they were Catherine Zeta Jones, Britney Spears, Aishwarya Rai, Priyanka Chopra and maybe lately Katrina Kaif. In that order.

I know that I am a guy who is single by choice. By second choice. But given a choice, I would still opt to wait for the perfect girl. One who doesn't feel I tarnished her squeaky image by being with her, or has a "Guess what I had for lunch" face, or has a...oh well, you get the picture. Or maybe, I will turn into the crazy snake guy.


Perfect girl...are you there?