Strange but true

Great lines:

1) All dabba SMS forwards have two lines in the body, the first being an unwanted line, followed by a completely nonsensical second line.

2) And then they all eat a banana!

Strange but true. Good night. Sweet dreams.

 You know that feeling when you are having a soul to soul conversation on the SMS and now you are waiting for a very important reply to a very important question and your friend seems to be taking forever, so you decide to go to the kitchen and have a very quick glass of water and when you are doing that - "Tink" the ringtone for the text sounds and you run and dive onto the bed catch hold of the cell and scramble to read the answer and then you see that its one of those "Touching/Great/Lovely" lines in a forward from someone who is in your address book but you can't really remember who it is?

 Those kind of forwards make Gerard Butler very angry. That's when he makes some animal love to his wife and heads for war with the sender.

"This is for that Forwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard"

Yes, I'm gonna sample only four of those forwards here, particularly, the three most wonderful Shakespearean quotes that I have received, feel free to mention the ones you have received.

Here goes -


Great lines said by Shakespeare:
 Don't trusted the believed one,
And don't believed the trusted one.


I am totally trusted that Shakespeare will believed this and quoted like this wonly.

________________________


Shakespeare says:
Its not necessary to share everything between true friends.
But it is necessary that what you share must be true.



Turn to Shaky when you are wondering if its okay to lie to your friends.

________________________


I always "happy"
You know why? Because I dont expected anything from anyone!!
Expectations always hurt.
--
Sheiksphere


Shakespeare will roll over in his grave three times if he hears about this,

1) Because, they decided to change his name to - Sheiksphere. Probably because, when they tossed a rich sheik out of a human canon straight into the Stratosphere, during the grand opening ceremony of the world's tallest building in 2011, they found his trajectory to be poetic and just as dramatic as Shakespeare's legendary marvels..

2) Because, they think he used double quotes on the first lines, implying he was actually being sarcastic when he said - I always "happy"

3) "Oh no my grammar teacher keeel me"

________________________

Get out of office and get a girlfriend.
--
Narayan Murthy (Infosys founder.)


This is particularly disturbing, because his mail to the whole Infosys foundation was over 300 words long and went pretty viral. The mail was about staying late at work and how its an unhealthy practice. Somewhere in between he mentions this and the SMS crackpots jumped onto it and turned it into a forward.



"OMG, until now, the thought had never crossed my mind, but if the Infosys founder has said it, maybe I MUST get a girlfriend? Murthy Maama...lets hit the road."



________________________

 And now, just for the kicks, my contribution to the SMS world. Something I had sent out years ago on the now inactive SMS group - 


SMS is a funny thing bro, because you can type any shit you want and attribute the quote to anyone.
--
Mahatma Gandhi.

Run boy run..

This a true (silly, pointless, facepalm) story:


Once upon a time, me and a couple of friends had to get back home from somwhere. The "home" was a kilometer away and there was only one bike, a Royal Enfield Bullet. The person who had dropped and gone to his home.

It was decided that my two friends would go back on the bullet while I walked back. Because I liked to. Personal choice.

And so they went. As soon as they started, I had an idea, they were taking the longer route because the roads were wider, I could take the SLIGHTLY shorter gullies. So I ran and ran and ran, with the sound of the bullet engine within ear shot.

It was a about a 7 minute run. Guess who got home first?


Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!


Morale of the story: What does that make me?



Come on...its silly, but its cryptic. Im sure you can crack this one!!












It shows I am...

One of these days, I'll get back in shape and show you!

Then, now and forever

On this occasion, let me first wish you a happy Kannada Rajyothsava.

Secondly, let me share a little story that happened a little over a year ago in my work town.

It so happens that Bangalore (where I work) is one of the most wonderful cities on earth. Everyone is welcome here. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, who you been banging, Bangalore welcomes you with open arms and takes you in like one of its own.

This I was happy about. Mixing with people and all that shit. Anyway, so here I am, at work, I have just finished my 3 month training and was the first person in my group to be brought to a high security floor in the building, because the manager supposedly saw a "spark" in my eyes.

However, they made sure that the "spark" died down as quickly as it had sparked in me, by seating me in the farthest part of the huge floor, away from anyone in my project.

Again, at the time, it didn't look like an issue to me at all since I make friends with anyone who breaths (and sometimes not even that). All said and done, all the people around me were strangers and not a single person among them spoke Kannada. Some were speaking in Telugu, some in Bengali. I never even heard any hindi or Urdu. I could have managed that. They all did make a poor attempt at 'speak-a-in-a-English'.

Meanwhile. my kannada speaking group, it still beats me why I use the word 'my' to this day, had banished me from their kingdom and had made a pact among themselves that I would not be called to lunch. Or at least it looked like that, cause everyday it was the same old story.

"Where were you? We were waiting for you at lunch!"

"Oh 'Haha' I thought you had my number, but never mind, I made friends with that gentleman over there and lunched with him. Nice chap he is."

This went on for a week and that weekend I didn't return home.

Second week started. Same old shit. Heady cocktail of Bongoli, Telugu, Damil, Malayalam, Oriya and what not. The problem also was that these people did not want to speak to a person who was not from his state, or did not speak his language. Socializing was getting harder and harder.


I was coming to the end of the second week. It was probably a Thursday, when I was moving up the stairs to the cafe for some coffee, when I suddenly heard music to my ears, two people, speak to each other in....*drum rolls* .... Kannadaaaaaa.


Come on every body in Robin Scherbatsky style:
♫ Kannadaaaaaaaaaa ♫
♫ Kannadaaaaaaaaaa ♫
♫ Kannadaaaaaaaaaa ♫

Thank you everybody, now lets go to the mall.

I was completely tranquillized and mesmerised by the beautiful sounds they were uttering. It was like, I was listening to music, or like I was remembering something enchanting, like a hypnotic mantra I had heard in my previous life.

I was heading up, they were heading down. Completely unaware of myself, I slowly turned around and started following them with zombie-like drooping shoulders. I'm not sure if I had started drooling. Eyes half open like as if I was high on coke, I just followed them, listening to every little detail of the sound that had to be made to utter each and every Kannada word. Pure heaven. I followed them until we reached ground floor. Thats when I suddenly came to my senses. Took me a moment to realise that I had come to the ground floor and had no idea why I was there and where I really should have been.

Yes, I am not kidding. You will realise that I have not over sold it here if you go through my situation. That is how beautiful Kannada is. And though I always appreciated the beauty of the language, I only realised my own attachment to it on that fateful day. Funny I should write this whole saga in English? How will the others read this and agree/disagree with me then?

For a blog completely written in Kannada, head over to Mithun's blog "You will never walk alone :  Global Meltdown". I can't promise you its awesome, cause I was not able to read it yet, but I can tell you he is awesome.

Coming back, I don't like to use the words "Proud to be a Kannadiga". Because its total bullshit. There is no point in being proud because its not an achievement, you didn't work hard and become one.

However I like to use the words "Lucky to be a Kannadiga".

ಅಂದು, ಇಂದು, ಎಂದೆಂದಿಗೂ - ನಾನು ಕನ್ನಡಿಗ!

The office Ep 6 - Lord take me right now

LEADing by example

                                                                                                                                 
Iceman: Man the fuel prices are getting higher, I will not bring my bike back here on Monday.
Team Lead (TL): Is it? Then how will you come to office?
Iceman: Figuring out a way. I'm okay walking back home, but its the morning thats the problem. I hate crowded buses and I don't want to walk in the sun.
TL : Walk? How can you walk back. Its so far!
Iceman: Its only 3 KMs.
TL: Three kilometers??? :O That is too far!!
Iceman: Relax. I'm used to running 4.5 Kilometers flat out.
TL: 4.5 Kilometers?
Iceman: Yes.
TL: Together??

I give the customary "3-second-stare" for his brain to catch up...

Iceman: No, 10 meters each day.
TL: Ahh...that anyone can do.
*Iceman Facepalm*


--
Miss Multilingual.

Gee, thanks for explaining that with a picture doc.

Wannabe funny girl: Hey do you speak sarcasm?
Iceman: Sarcasm? Meeee??? Nooooooo!!
WFG: Thats sad cause that is the only language I speak. I love it.
Iceman: Haha...you are so smart!!
WFG: Ofcourse. :)
*Iceman Facepalm*

--



Kutty woman. (Say that in the tune of the song "Pretty woman" - Roy Orbison/KHNH)

You know usually everything seems to be so normal and peaceful and suddenly every now and then, unbelievable things happen and you just can't get a grip over yourself. Either the Almighty has sentenced me to spend my life amidst weirdos, or its just that I am a giant blimp on their "victim-radar".

There is this lady in the testing team, she is from Kerala (Hence the name) and has that forever scornful look on her face...

Kutty woman

She gave me the shock of my life recently when I was giving her a review of the test cases she had prepared for my work packet.

Iceman: These TCs look okay, but please include those 3 scenarios I mentioned in the mail.

Kutty Woman (KW): Are you catholic?
Iceman: What?
KW: Are you catholic?
Iceman: What does that have to do with the TCs? Did I say something wrong?
KW (Now very irritated and with the kind of urgency a virgin man would have while chasing a naked woman just 30 seconds before the end of the world): Are you catholic?
Iceman: No man..I'm not even Christian.
KW: Do you know you are going to hell?

I was a little appalled but then composed myself...

Iceman: Oh Yes, Im the guest of honour there.


I'm still wondering who gave this missionary a job here? That lady gives me the heebie-jeebies now. Brrrrr.

Last but not the least, Mr.Playa.


Mr.Playa is this guy I had seen like all over the floor. He looks like your everyday guy. Just going about his duty. But before we get into his story, I must first tell you about some weird voices I heard in the restroom.

BTW, this must be the third story from the rest room? I must start a sub-series on the rest room rather. All the freaks seem to hold a convention there.


So I am washing my face in the rest room and I suddenly hear these stifled voices

"Come on you can do it"

"Come on...come on..."


When I look up, I find The Playa talking to his little friend from down south, encouraging him to do his thing while keeping his eyes shut hard. I think I saw him pump his fist in encouragement.

I thought this was the limits. A 30+ guy who had to work so hard to take a leak.

Have you seen the one where Joey says to Chandler how he can't go when he is nervous? Well NOW do you understand this guy's problem? He can't even go when he is calm.

Frand-sip day

Frandsip, frendsip, frensip. Seriously...how can so many get it wrong? One in every two "deep and meaningful but true lines" forwards are messages about friendship.

Presenting: The day people get really really touchy feely. (Blech!)


Anyway, the diabolical genius that I am, my brain has devised a way to take advantage of the day..

I am going in search of all girls with hot pictures on their profiles on-line and then send them all a request saying

"Hey wil u mak frandsip wit me?" with infinite number of question marks, period and exclamatory marks because girls sooo dig that (Either that or your keyboard-challenged).

Can you imagine what I would have to send if there was a 'love' day? ;)
"Hey wil u mak..." Oh you get the joke.

Given the attachment that people seem to have over "friendship's day", they can't refuse the request.



*Evil Evil laugh*
Muhahahahahahahaha!





Too much work at office. Its getting to me. Sigh!

No dumbass it ain't really sexual discrimination

Remember this pic that ran around on line sometime back?

I think people are grossly mistaken. The phenomenon of uneven reactions between girls and boys is not really sexual discrimination, but actually the way God has actually made us.Though both are constantly under a rose-painted illusion, they are very different illusions.

Let me demonstrate with the example of three attention whores (and I mean that in the most unoffensive way) - Guy, Girl 1 and Girl 2. [And if you are expecting me to narrate a love triangle, you are watching way too many hindi movies.]


Scene 1

Girl 1: Ooh la la...I'm femme fatale. I GOTTA upload this photo.

*Uploads photo*

Girl 2: OMG! She looks like a whore. What has she added like 200 kilos? But let me ego massage her, I need her to like MY pic later.

*Like*

*Girl 2 comments - Super like darling! Looking gorgeous. Luv you loads...muah muah :* :* *
*Girl 1 comments- Love you too sweet heart. Miss you hun. muah muah :* :* *

Guy (stalking in the sidelines): Huh! Fuckin lesbos!!



Horny guy (raps): Oh new picture by my crush #23. If I like her pic, she might totally fall for me.

*like*


*Horny guy comments - Hey, beautiful pic :) ♥♥♥  *
*Girl 1: Hey! Thank you sooo much*


Horny guy: Oh I'm good at this. I've got her hook, line and sinker!


Within 10 minutes 14 Girl 2 replicas and 17 Horny guy replicas have liked Girl 1's new pic.


Girl 1: I am THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL EVER!!!!!!!





10 minutes later, Girl 1 likes Girl 2's newly uploaded pic and process starts from the beginning.




--

 Scene 2

Guy: I look so sexy in this photo. Let me upload it.


*Uploads photo*

Girl 2: Hmmm, that's an okay looking photo. But I don't think I should like it, he will think I am too easy.


Girl 1: Hey that's a nice photo, let me like it.

*like*

Guy: SHE LOVES ME!!!!

Five years later, guy has ruined his life in pursuit of Girl 1 and has now taken up drinking cheap local rum bought from stolen money.



--

Gyan:

So you see guys, we think with our dicks. One of the reasons why the ugliest girls in my account gets 20 likes minimum on her profile pic while the most handsome guys get a maximum of 5. Next time you see that happening, don't cry out that it's discrimination. Its all for your own good. Its saving you from turning into a drunk!

That reminds me, I have to change my picture! Kav is in the frame and she is attracting way too many guys and I don't swing both ways.

When is the party happening?

Savings...                                                                                                               
                                                                                                

The most logical of decisions when you want to buy something so badly but can't make up your mind whether you want it or need it. Should you go splashing your hard earned money? Is life really worth it only when spent living for someone else?

Will there ever be one of those days when you don't have to compromise? Where you can take a little wild step to the left and another wilder step to the right and get off course on purpose?

Life can be such a bitch sometimes. Along with the big, really important things, it makes you wait for a long time for the simple things that you wanted all the while. Then it gives it to you for a while or makes you think you have it and then suddenly takes it all away. Its like having a really really good dream, but to be woken up by a room-mate to find out you are back in the real world in the middle of the rat race all over again.

Who is it 'saving' anyway?

It is the one reason why we always compromise most of our desires, in hope of a better, stable tomorrow and unfortunately, tomorrow never dies and it never comes.

The Ten commandments for every Indian going abroad

With apologies to people who feel they have been doing this and thus feel very offended, hurt, blah blah...
                                                                                                                                                   

The Ten commandments

1) Thou shall update your on line status to "Homesick :(" minutes after landing.











2) Thou shall finally upload a decent picture of yourself, taken abroad.

3) Thou shall attempt to get laid.

4) Thou shall bombard us with updates of every monument you visited abroad, even if you couldn't care less about Indian history and its historical places.

5) Thou shall immediately move people from 'friends' list to the 'acquaintance' list.

6) Thou shall not reply to pings from 'those Indians'.

7) Thou shall post jokes/comments specific to a small group of people.

8) Thou shall talk about how deep you are and how things have changed inside you or remained the same.

9) Thou shall make it a point to repeatedly tell us about how patriotic you are and how you want to do 'something' for your country!

And finally instead of focussing on your studies/job..

10) Thou shall be frustrated to the point of suicide when you find out, that the world doesn't-really-care!!

Alien carcuss? Are you kiddin me?

Here is the video that went berserk on the net a few days back. You might wanna disable the annotation thingies cause they are annoying.

Let us get once thing clear, I am very interested in this Alien stuff and about search for new worlds out there. It might be easy to slip a hoax past a believer in aliens(which I am not), but is it so difficult to make out that this ain't real?

- The 'carcuss' is very real looking.
- It happened just after a UFO crash.
- Shot very close to the area with UFO sightings.

Those are the only things that add up. What doesn't add up is the fact that it was in a deserted place in Serbia where there were no other witnesses.

Let's assume these guys wanted to be popular, but let us also assume they are telling the truth, that there WAS a real dead alien they found. Also assuming that they were smart, what else would they have done?
They would have shot a careful video of the alien and posted it on Youtube to gain instant fame? Check.

Then, while one guards the body, the other goes back to civilization, alerts the media asking them to witness their discoveries before the officials show up and then alert the authorities so that the discovery goes down as 'official'. Unchecked Unchecked Unchecked.


So long suckers! Better luck next time.

Patience my child

A couple of random events presented to you,
simply because I got nothing better to say or do.





Bring forth your stone jars my children

One fine afternoon, I'm having this hellishly intense craving for coffee. And if you knew me you would know I would make Libya look like a sneeze if I didn't get my timely fix of caffeine.

I go to the cafe and get to the coffee machine, but there is this nice elderly gentleman just standing there and filling up his cup with hot steam and I begin to think, why is it labelled as 'hot steam'? Does steam come chilled? I should get me a cup of one of those if they do, but definitely after this cup. And more silly thought when he turned around and probably mistook me for a nice young stranger, because he smiled at me, so I smiled back and before I know it, its two minutes. This gentleman is still standing, with a cup full of near boiling water and just looking at it. I decide not to intrude on whatever this old guy was doing so I waited 30 seconds more. Then I waited 10 more. This was clearly puzzling me cause I had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

For a moment I wondered if the bag of bones had fallen asleep staring into the cup. Or even worse, died.

40 more seconds passed and this guy was still staring dead deep into the cup of water, I tapped the on his shoulders and said softly "Sir, it turns into wine only on Sundays".

That did the trick. He immediately disappeared with his cup of hot water and luminous aura.

~~
And if we move to the right, we can see a plate of idlys

A few weeks ago, I'm having dinner at this place I go to usually. I don't remember what I had ordered but I think it was a plate of pooris. This is one of these places where you stand and eat on a table. As I am busy digging into the pooris, I notice this lady, staring into my plate. A glance is pretty common from people at the restaurants, because most people are trying to make their minds about what to get and can't help looking at some other people's orders. So I immediately looked away and continued to eat.

One poori later, I notice that she is still looking at my plate. I gave her a stare trying to unsettle her, she looked at me and went right back to looking at my plate. The unsettler, became unsettled. The unsettlee however, poked at one of her friends and pointed at my plate as if I wasn't even there.

They even had an engaging conversation about my dinner for the next couple o minutes. I'm usually pretty pleased to run into weirdos. Not because I feel right at home with them, but because, they are food for my blog. And if you go around, you probably run into a lot of them and they continue to surprise you every-single-time. But this pair was really killing my apetite.

I waited for a few moments and finally took a few steps towards them and said "Does your cellphone have a camera?"

"Excuse me" she said, with a full nakhra look. She probably thought I was using a lame pick-up line. So I repeated my query.

After glancing at her friend and giggling she said "Yeah, why?"

"Well, you can take a picture of my pooris if you want. I can wait."

Her friend got the joke...she didn't! And, no, it didn't entirely do the trick, but I had to go through only a couple more minutes of that.


~~

There are more to come from weirdville, but that's for another day another post.

Captain's log...

...star date Twenty Eleven. Me and my team (my alter ego) found ourselves on deck at exactly 0600 hrs with a body ache and a light case of the rhino. After much thought I decided to inform call of the mission to travel to the work galaxy and stay at home for another day.

I shall continue with the mission journey tomorrow again at 0600 hrs. Over and out.

In simpler words, I applied leave cause I had a cold.


Its gonna be a restful but boring day, but hey! I'm half way through and now wishing I didn't have to leave tomorrow. Damn!

And a quick recommendation while we are here - watch Little Miss Sunshine. It was on my list of movies to watch for over 4 years, had never found the time. Its story of one hellishly dysfunctional family -
A divorced and married again, nicotine addicted mom.
Her son from the first marriage who is on a vow of silence for 9 months running.
A bankrupt dad who is the stereotype crap self help book writer obsessed about winning.
His dad, who is a heroine snorting, foul mouthed, but yet the sweetest grandpa.
The mom's bro who is a gay 'preeminent Proust scholar in America' with suicidal tendencies.
and lastly the little girl who is Super cute! She is the star of the movie. Im now a fan of this actress - Abigail Breslin. (She was cute in Signs and Zombieland too.)
The story is set around their journey to a beauty pageant to which the girl is shortlisted to enter. Totally loved, do watch it, if ya haven't already.

--
I hate having to stay away from home for such a long time. Somebody find a way out!

Death of a blog

How do blogs die?                                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                                                        
I am the kind of guy who believes in burning out. The blog is one exception where I may seem to fade away, but in reality, I am just a regular blogger who has wandered into a fog (as thick as pea soup) in the gloomy heart of London waiting patiently for an Indian summer.

Though still the same ordinary guy chosen by almighty to go through extra-ordinary(I believe!) situations, I once used to withold the things I went through just to write here. Now everybody I meet comes to know of it before it ends up here.

There are a few posts in the drafts bin I will publish, But I wondered if it was time to take a break after that? Or if it was the end of the insanity? I thought about it for a few days and said,
Screw this Sh!t..
I can't quit!!
(Only because it rhymes.)

After this little drizzle in a tea cup, I think I better pimp my blog, but of course - ain't got the patience for it.

My other option was to start another blog anonymously (I mean really really anonymously), which will mean none of you will ever come to know about it.

Oh the things I could tell you if my pesky cousin (we call her 'Ratty' with love) didn't submit hourly updates of my blog to my mum.

Ma, I love you, can you please stop wondering if I am doing crack or the neighbourhood girl?

Gaddam Sexual Harassment Day

First of all - Happy World Aids day. All you naughty kids out there - Play safe! :D

I hope you are landing on this post after reading The Office part II - I see dumb people as this is a continuation of that series.

Now coming to the story, Gaddam, is my colleague. I usually don't take names, but I'll make an exception here(With the risk of my blog being traced down by people from the office - because this incident has now become a legend in my office and I am infamously a part of it).

He is the most famous employee in my entire department. He is known for his dangerous english that would make Shakespeare roll over in his grave.

We are sitting in this meeting, some 8-11 of us, my manager is also part of it and we are having a very serious moment when suddenly Gaddam barges in and yells loudly to my manager

"Vamsi fingered me"

An immediate pin drop silence fell over the discussion room and all eyes zoomed in on our local celebrity.

The project manager asked "I didn't hear you properly"

"Vamsi fingered me, I swear I have nothing to do with it" he replied.

Now the room went from confusion to total shock. Everybody are now wondering if they were looking at a sexual harassment suit, should they be happy with the excitement? Should they be embarassed that this happened in our project? How did this even happen?

Well, not me. I was least bothered about what this meant and just wanted to quip.

So I asked "Did you like it?"

The more younger crowd started giggling but the manager and the seniors maintained the horror in their faces. However, my manager did give me a stern 'shut the f up' stare. So I did just that. Professional.Corporate. wtvr!

Gaddam paused a while before replying to me "Why are you asking like that? Even you fingered me that day. You know I don't like it"

The joke was on me. The focus of all the dead serious faces shifted from Gaddams stupid ass face to mine. I felt my nerves swell up and could literally hear my heart beating. The only things going through my head were 'what? who? finger? GADDAM?? His face - full of confidence - truth - but how? when?'

I have never cursed in my office, but what the hell? There is always a first time and that was when I said

"Gaddam...What..the..FUCK are you talking about?"

Manager intervened "Gaddam can we take this up later? I don't think we are all speaking on the same wavelength here and we in a meeting"

I didn't care about the manager anymore "You can't just walk in and yell any home-made nonsense into our face"

Gaddam fought back "What? Atleast you were justified in fingering me that day, I am not blaming you only yaaa, please don't be angry with me, I trust you, but Vamsi should not have fingered me"

Who the hell was Vamsi and why did he finger Gaddam?

"Gaddam, I have absolutely no clue what has happened to you. You are going mad. You need rest." I said.

Project manager was agreeing with me "Yes, I think thats a good idea. Why don't you..."

"No! I am not mad. That guy sits onsite, how the hell can he know what I am going through? He can't finger me like that all of a sudden. There are hundreds of us in this project he can finger whenever he wants" said a more furious Gaddam.

Onsite? Gaddam-Dangerous-English-Onsite guy. Now finally the whole thing flashed into my head.

"Oh my God! Thank God.." I exclaimed and turned to my manager "He is trying to say Vamsi pointed his finger at Gaddam for some screw up. I had taken him to task last week for messing up the svn commit, today Vamsi has probably got him for something else. He has translated word to word from Telugu"

And before the whole thing sunk in to audience the manager said "Ok, Gaddam we got what you are saying, Ill take it up with Vamsi. You need to watch your temper. And team, I think we are done with the meeting, we can take up the rest of the issues on call, hopefully nobody will talk about Gaddam's dramatic scene after this?" and dismissed the meeting. I was cleared of all charges to walk a free man. Somehow, all along, in my mind I knew all this would be nothing at the end of the day, but couldn't help worrying whether this was something actually serious. Its worth mentioning that the managers composure was impressive throughout.

Its been nearly two months and still all those guys and girls from the meeting ask me "Did you finger Gaddam today?"

Gad-damn-it!

The office Part II - I see dumb people

I know the last one was good, but I had decided not to write again about work, but the incidents that happen over here just plague my mind to just come back and write one more. If you liked the last one, you will like this one too. The very last story was slightly lengthy, so I decided to write a seperate one for that, but it is linked here anyhow and is probably the best in the series.

Today I will tell you about the characters I have to encounter at office.

Bubbling brook

The faces a person is most likely to remember here when it comes to strangers are those that belong to the unfortunate souls that are seated very close to the Rest room area. Of course, it is not as bad as it sounds when it comes to cleanliness or aroma, but I imagine it must be very annoying to have people walking around (With that OMG! OMG! :S look) all day.

Bubbling Brook is a lady in her mid-30s who sits right at the corner of the office where we have to turn left just before entering the restroom. She seems like a lonely soul and for good reason. I had thought I had seen it all when once I saw her smiling wildly at her monitor and drooling. Yep! I said drooling. I usually walk very fast and I could have never been sure if I could trust what I saw. And then I got sure, my eyesight was perfect. I witnessed the phenomenon a couple of times more. I don’t know if it’s some kind of a disorder she has, but I never wanna know what was on her screen every time I saw her drooling.

I avoid going to the restroom from that side now!

Revenge of the Sith

This is the guy I run into daily at the restroom (What’s with the restroom?). On first look you would think he has fallen straight out of a coconut tree into this company. But look at him again and he has that forever angry look like as if he has come here to avenge the murder of his nanny. His eyebrows seem like they are eternally held together in a scornful look. Probably the only thing missing in the entire getup is a shining Machete. Even when he is patiently combing his well oiled coconut coir-like hair he has his angry git look. And if he ever turns to look at you, it is as if he just met his nemesis and you are never sure if he going to pull out his super lethal oily comb and slash away “Die you nanny killer die die die!!!”

I always maintain 6 feet of distance between him and me. Hey, better safe than sorry!

Alanis Morissette

This name applies to everybody here who find it funny that I wash my hands with soap before and after breakfast/lunch/dinner. Now I have all the more reason not to shake hands with anyone.

Me: You bought your girlfriend a condom for her birthday? What’s wrong with you?

Alanis Morissette: Relax, It’s not like I washed my hands with soap BEFORE and AFTER lunch. what do you know about relationships anyway?

Me: ????? I don’t think there is even a reply to that.

Alanis Morissette: Guys we have finally won an argument with Iceman. Thanks to our Teamwork...

Me: ...And your untouchable sense of hygiene.

Tale of two techies:

GanteGiri (Techie 1): I am thinking of buying an iPod. (This dope is always busy wondering what he should think he should buy next.)

The Other guy (Techie 2): Buy the one from Apple.

GanteGiri: No the iPods that Apple make are costlier and don’t have many features. What do you say Iceman?

Me: Does Apple sell brains?

The man with the wooded leg - Arr that's me

After the fall, I had a bit of limp in my step for about two weeks. There is this wanna-be in my office who always tries to fake his accent, trying to sound all American and is always yapping at others trying to prove his knowledge of the west. Reminds me of someone from my college, but this guy is slightly better, but irritating all the same. He comes up to me and raises his hand hinting at me to give him a Hi-5 and I know he wont go away until I do give him one, but stubborn as I am to prove my ignorance of his existence that I refuse to even look away from my monitor let alone give him a Hi5.
After waiting for around 20 seconds yelling repeatedly "Dude! Dude!" he gives up.


The americano: What are you doing?
Me: Something we people call 'work'.
The Americano: Haha! Thats funny yo, thats so funny. You have good sense of humour, just like the Americans.


At this point Im wondering if I threw a stick, he would go away.



Americano: Chill man, chill. by the way, I've always wanted to ask you, I have noticed you have a limp. Can I ask what happened?


I was wondering  'Always'???.



Me: I will tell you about it, but cross your heart and tell me that you won't mention my bad leg again?


The Americano(now elated): Yes Bro, Never again.


Me: You must take this to your grave.


The Americano (Now listening with all the strength in his nervous system): Wow..yes. I swear. I have always waited for a moment like this in my life. I think you and I can be best friends. Ya know..two dudes, just hanging out and sharing stuff. So tell me whats with the leg.

This guy makes me sad! Anyway, I turned my face towards the window, brought up the most dramatic look ever and said "Veitnam!"


Its been three weeks since this happened, I haven't run into him again. Mission Accomplished!!

Gaddam Sexual Harassment Day
As I said, this one deserved a seperate mention. So follow the link and read it. Based on the reactions I get, I may or may not come back with more short stories from this circus where I perform.

Jab ghar ki ronak badani ho..

Does anyone remember the old Nerolac ad from 1991 (around that time)?

The one where they play music with the paint brushes by beating them on the ladder and empty nerolac boxes and stuff?
                                                                                                                                                                                

I want the video. I don't want the cheezy Shah Rukh Khan version with all the over acting and stuff. Don't gimme suggestions like "Try googling it" or "Check on youtube" cause that's the first thing anyone would do.

If you have it, please let me know. I want I want I want!!
Maybe someone reading this has it or collected it or recieved it in a forward or something - hopefully.


Jab ghar ki ronak badani ho..
Deewaron ko jab sajaana ho..
Nerolaaac..Nerolac!

(No, this ain't an endorsement :P)


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Edit:
Thank you Anonymous and Thank you Anusha, Im guessing you are both the same people :P

I got the video within 2 hours of posting this. Anusha mailed it to me. Thank you Thank you Thank you!
A big >:D< to you.

Its 47 seconds and its awesome. I watched it quite a few times already. Nostalgia...*sniff*!

Introspection and The Five year plan

I'm a true Gemini. The only person who will know my deepest desires and plans will be me. Here I attempt to go against that trait and publish for all to see, a small fraction of what I wouldn't have preferred to disclose, usually...

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Recently a person asked me a question out of the blue – “So tell me about you. What are you good at?”

She had me completely stunned. I had no answer at all. Time and again such incidents should not keep reminding me that I have been a loser all my life. I think it's high time I do something so that I don't have to face the situation again. Oh about the answer? I told her one of my original Rajnikant jokes and she forgot to repeat her question later or decided not to.

It led me to think of what I want to do in the next five years. So I put down a list and somehow I feel it is connected to me being a step more productive in life. Don’t ask me how. Also these are the list of things don't require the Gods to descend upon middle earth to help me finish it off. The plan is open to tweaking and additions mind you. As long as it doesn't mess with the basic idea. Here it is-

* Pay off the education loan

            This might be the most important of them all. There are some things I would finally want to get for myself. Before I go crazy with that idea, I need to pay off my loan first. Helps the conscience ;)

* Buy a car with no mortgage

            I am a biker dude - No doubt. This is for the family. Some car. We never had one.

* Spend all my money - Once!

            Money makes the world go round. So make it go round. However I don’t intend to feature this plan in any other 5 year plan ever.

* Tell a girl You love her and mean it.

Note: I know this not something that can be "done" or "achieved" at will. Save me your gyan! And No, I have never said it to anyone with or without meaning it or whatever. Stop assuming. Wait, keep assuming, it’s more fun this way, like the time you all thought I screwed someone at work. Anyway, I hear all you singles shouting against it (or now wondering if you should)..trust me - I've been there, done that! At the end of five years from today I will be closing in on my 30s and will be only 20 years away from settling down ;) 

* Add 7 kilos

             Yeah Yeah Yeah..wtvr!! Maybe this should be achieved before my previously listed plan, otherwise I will just end up being rejected.

* Don’t let this list turn into a bucket list

            Self explanatory.

I considered adding 'Higher studies' in there. But then, I am not really sure I can. At this point, it would take a miracle. In that case, the list would say: 

-Turn into a superhero

-Save two million lives from peril

-Improve forest cover

-Reverse Global warming

-Get the beautiful girl For your very own Happily Ever After

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A little note of interest before we go –

I asked about 6-7 people about what I should do to make my life more worth it. (No I am not suffering from depression. It’s the result of a bit of introspection.)

Around five people gave me only one instant reply – Write a book!

Now I don’t see myself doing that, so putting that to rest – What would you suggest? You can also tell me about your five year plan. Maybe your list will help me improve mine ;)

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Let us revisit this list in the Sweet November of 2015 and see if I walked the walk.