Never ending holidays By Whine the Poo

You know what they say about pretty girls?

"If a girl is really pretty, she will have a complete jerk boyfriend to prove it"

Come on. This is so unfair. You must not propagate phrases like that. It gives false hope to guys like me!

<--Since I have a lot of spare time with myself, these are the kind of thoughts flooding my head write now.

Every two hours, I get this strange feeling:

I want to delete my blog,
deactivate all my internet accounts,
burn this years diary,
format my computer,
and just vanish into thin air without leaving a trace.

That is if, boredom doesn't kill me already.

If you have read that post "Some things you dunno about me" you would know I wanted to be a drummer as a kid. When I recall that, I feel like pulling my hair out. Them darned instruments are more than twice my entire worth.

I also just love cricket. Playing, watching, listening. When I was in 2nd semester, this guy who then played for Mysore used to play with us in the evenings, and he had asked me to appear for selection that I may stand some chance with my bowling. I had asked my dad to let me go. He gave me a four word answer that put a big period next to all that.. "Shut - Up - And - Study"

Then I realised I really like this coding and shit. I had a knack for it, all the loops and variables, hardly got confused. It ain't so bad after all eh. I thought I will get somewhere with BE.

Fast-forward two and a half (million) years. I am sitting on a tattered, executive, antique, chair, which probably belonged to my grandpa - The Legendary Drunken Master, listening to Led Zepplin's Stairway To heaven and still dreaming about everything I thought I could have been.

The most entertaining thoughts come from a stray ant or a fly on the wall I am staring at (Yes, I'm still doing that, and No, it's not just a joke) and I go-

"Oh My God! There is an ant on the wall!! I wish I had a camera, I could take snaps and put it on Orkut and Facebook and I would be so popular"
I check my cellphone. No new messages.
Check my mail. No new mail.
There is something in the spam. "The enlargement that you needed"
I can't login to any sites. I used up my internet usage quote about 15 days ago.

While rummaging through my drawers and cupboards for something-anything interesting, I found a list I had made in January. And no, it was not interesting.

The list, was made with an assumption that I would have got my first earnings by Aug/Sep, and it included the things I wanted to buy,

*Chain for Pluto
*Repair DVD drive
*DVDs
*..

The list goes on..and I finally realise how unrealistically ambitious I have been all this while. I tore the piece of paper, crumpled the bits and threw it out of the house.

Feels like, I have been peeing in the ladies toilet, all my life. You dunno nothing wrongs yet and all seems to be fine, but when faced with reality, you just wanna hang yourself.

My mind is drifting away to nothingness, and that ain't happening any quickly either.

Dear God, if you are listening, I could really use one of those miracle thingies right now..

--
Whine the Poo

How to be "smart"? - For dummies

Note: I get this strange feeling I should not be putting up such a sarcastic post, cause very few people can take a joke. But I say what the hell, and have gone ahead it with it anyway, amidst fears of unintentionally upsetting people.
Any resemblance to dumb asses worldwide is purely co-incidental and definitely NOT regretted!
--------------------------------





Do you feel dumb around your friends?

Do you even have friends?

Do you feel you need to be in a higher class of society than you are in right now?

Need to be treated better by people?

Missing out on all the cream?

How to become smart? Damn! The age old question plaguing all the dummies out there.

Worry no more, for I have brought you the tutorial you have been waiting for! The next 5 minutes will be the best 5 minutes you have ever spent, as it will take you from dumbass to smart, just like that. Just follow these these steps in the same order and you wont have to worry about a thing in the future!

1. Speaka - ina - inglishhh! (Speak in English)

Get yo' grammar right dog! You must be perfect in English. And no matter how much you love your other mother-tongue, whatever it is, you must pretend as if every other language is filthy and tapori. "You don't gimme no shit, bitch!" is no more smart!

From now, It should be a bit like,

"Oh that guy? Chiiii you know he speaks in kannada and all? I wouldn't touch him with a 20 feet pole."

Just run to your nearest book store and grab that GRE book and start memorizing the toughest, longest and the most unnecessary words ever created in the language so that you can sound as complex as possible.

For more info on improving vocabulary and opportunistic usage of words contact My friend Rubs if you know her and ask her about the day when

"A lizard was APPROACHING her system"

For info on being smart, you still have to continue with this tutorial.


2. Now fuck English - Learn Spanish!

Or French or Italian for that matter. Because, you know, once you start behaving like you were born to the Queen Victoria herself, you suddenly realise everybody around you are behaving like that too. English is passe!

So you need to set yourself apart, learn some french or spanish or latin here and there and use it with your friends.

Important: The more your friend doesn't understand/know these languages, more often you must use it on him/her!

For example-

C'est Moi - What can that mean?
You just ping your old friend (Who is dumb) or your new friend (Who thinks YOU are dumb) and type "C'est Moi!"

" What did S/he say? Must be something smart. Let me just laugh! "

Chances are both won't know what it means. It means "It's me". Now WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!!


Your buddy will probably go "uh? what?" and then you go.. "What..oh that! Ha-ha, its French. Sorry about that. I forgot you didn't know French! Silly me!"


3. You think you are being funny do you?

When you are supposed to be smart, you are supposed to have a good sense of humour. So the "smart" people think, the better the sense of humour, the lesser you laugh at poor jokes. So you should also think like that.

Thus, being smart comes at a price. You can't laugh at normal people's jokes anymore. No matter how much other people are enjoying, no matter how much you wanna roll on the floor and laugh, you just sit there, take a deep breath and say to him/her

"Hmmm...that's funny! :| "

However, if the joke concerns a celebrity/fictional character that very few people around have any clue about, then you get to laugh your ass out. For ex-

In a party of say 10 people, 'A' and 'B' are trying to show everyone else that they are smart.

A: Hey do you what Tony Callouses new song is gonna be called?

B: Lol! I don't know A, tell me will you?

A: Tubthumping!!

"HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

In the whole party, only A & B seem to get the joke. Who knows, Tony Callouses may not even be a real person or a fictional character, but only A & B know that right?

B: A, you are too much...hahaha..."Chumbawumba?"....haha..how do you come up with such stuff anyway? you sicko!
--

Poor onlookers, are forced to accept that you two are smart!

Rest of the times, you are forced to use

"Very funny!"

"That's not funny"

"You think you are being funny do you?"

Or if a lot of people seem to find the other guy/gal funny you just make sure you say

"That's dumb!!!"



4. Mockery

You are perfect. You are supreme. You can do no wrong. Rest are filthy mortals. Why? Because you are smart, they're not!
And since you are smart, you have to pick up the mantle of having to cleanse this tainted world of all it's filth. So you mock!

Daily exercise: Pick one dumb ass in random today and use all means to make fun of him/her behind the persons back.
When you are climbing up the smart ladder, there are bound to be kiss-asses all around you. Use them for the laughter factor (But you don't laugh).


5. Status message

Orkut, Facebook, Twitter, gtalk, yahoo are some elements on an endless list of ways you can use to update status messages. So here is what you do.

1)Find something smart to say.
2)Then say it.

I remember this one guy, God knows why he is on my list, used to cook up something rude to say about a general group of people, and every 5 minutes he would login and update that as a status in all his online accounts.

Then there was this kiss-ass who would always press like for his status messages. Lets face it, he is a guy who will love this tutorial. He probably never realised that one of those statuses were targeted at him.

Blogging is a big No-No for you! "Smart" people don't blog. You WILL be caught!


6. Of Films and Books

[Click here for NOTE]

You gotta be in on a discussion, everytime someone speaks about a movie or a book. So what you do is ask friends for some good books to read and then instead of borrowing them, you look up its plot on the internet. Same goes for movies.

Now imagine you are at this neat party, two people are discussing a book,
"I am reading Gahboo Hoosa's book 'Blah-Blah' it is simply amazing"

This is when you butt in. Yes butt in, you will see why,

"Oh yeah, 'blah-blah' is nice but you must read his 'snore-snore', that's his best work"

Notice the difference in the way they look at you now!

Just in case they pick up some particular line or incident from the book you gotta bail out saying "Oh yeah? I don't remember much, I read it long back, but I remember I thoroughly enjoyed it"

7. Light travels faster than sound...

...which is why most people appear smart until they speak. This means that you, who ain't really smart, must only speak when you are absolutely sure about things! Rest of the times, you just acknowledge or bail out.

"Oh yes I agree"

or

"I can't come to a conclusion on that opinion of yours, I believe it needs more speculation"


8. Correction my dear Watson

Again, when you are very sure about things, never loose an opportunity to point out a mistake and make people feel dumb. Cause as you might have already guessed, it makes you look smart!

9. Ethics and principles

Seriously, you may not have any, but now you need some. But don't worry, its just for show. You only need to bring up your ethics and principles when somebody is taking notice.

10. Diplomacy

Remember the mockery behind the back thing? That's only around stupid people. When someone literally smart is around you, you put up your best diplomatic behaviour, cause honestly, you just don't have the balls to talk straight.

But of course, the 'about me's on your orkut and facebook must always say "Bold, straight talking, blah blah"

In reality you are probably the biggest gossip in your class/college, and everybody knows that, but don't worry, that still makes you "Smart".




Summary:
There are some 17-19 year olds making visits to this page(which makes this cold man happy) and a few others who are still a li'l immature to decipher and understand the nested levels of sarcasm in my writing. So:

This is NOT a real tutorial. It's just a little tribute to all the fools in the world who think they are smart! You CANNOT become smart like this, that's why it says "smart"
Don't leave comments like

"Iceman Iceman, you are wrong. You can't become smart like this."

It ends up making me look stupid, not you.

Anyway, want the best solution to become smart? - Think



Come back read my next tutorial. Its called

"How to loose so-called friends in a single blog post"

Music and Me

I was tagged by Miss Perplexed!
Just read on to understand the tag.

Favourite artist: Metallica

Favourite artist was not part of her tag, but part of a facebook tag made to me earlier. Thought I will take care of both in one post ;)
Also note that none of the songs below are from Metallica, even though they are my favourite. Mainly because, I can't relate any of their songs to my life. I also tried to fit in a kannada song somewhere, but didn't have a favourite that matched any of these questions and I couldn't come up with questions to match the favourites, so that didn't happen either.


Opening credits: Danger zone - Kenny Loggins.

Waking up : Here I am - Bryan Adams

Average day: Everyday - Bon Jovi

First date: You are beautiful - James Blunt

Falling in love: For I cant help falling in love with you - George Weiss

Love scene: Zara Zara - R.H.T.D.M

Fight scene: Ten Thousand Fists in the air - Disturbed

Breaking up: Last Thing On My Mind - Ronan Keating

Getting back together: Way back into Love - Hugh Grant & Haley Bennet

Secret love: She Fucking Hates Me - Puddel Of Mudd

Life's okay: Keep rollin' - Limp Bizkit

Mental breakdown: Du Hast - Rammstein

Driving: Decadance - Disturbed

Learning a lesson: A new day has come - Celine Dion

Deep thought: Loose yourself - Eminem

Flashback: Koi Lauta De Mere Beete Hue Din - Kishore Kumar

Partying: - Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

Happy dance: - Hakuna Matata

Regretting: No regrets here, thus this one will be left empty.

Long night alone: Tere Bina Zindagi se koi - Kishore & Lata (Cause there is a line 'aaj ki raat tum jo kehdo toh...' remember?)

Death scene: Bring me to life - Evanescence

Closing credits: My Way - Elvis Presley


--
Thank you Perplexed. I had to pick songs that you or Silverstreak hadn't picked (Atleast most of them) and sorry for the ones meant to be funny :P I just had to do it!

Now I tag those who I think have any chance of picking this up-

Abhishek (Who will be going to Varanasi)

Ajay (Out of curiousity)

Anup (Who hasn't blogged for like forever)

Anush (who will love this)

Gauri (Who writes lovely poems)

Mithun (Who desperately needs a second post)

Rashmi (Who doesn't like tags)

Rubs (Who won't even read this post)

Shilpa the great (Damn!)

Shimmer (Who loves coffee too)

Smitha (Who will read this, won't comment on it and definitely will not follow the tag because aunty has ego)

Trashley (Who really needs an excuse to blog)


And anybody who reads this and wants to do this :)

If you see Kay..

Warning: Total Bad ass post. Not suitable for weenies, jimbos, meow-meows, cry babies, priests, nuns, altar boys, righteous people, do-gooders, say-gooders, oldies, coldies, gandhis, sadhus and perhaps some children below the age of 18.

Being a reader on this page is subject to heart attack risks, please read the offer document (disclaimer post) carefully before reading.

---------------------------------------------
(Another article re-incarnated from the old drafts)

The word "Fuck"

Such a wonderful word! No seriously. There was some baccha kuccha izzat that remained hidden away from my view. Today I intend to wipe it off by writing about this word - Fuck. Its sorta like selling your soul to the devil. But of course I did that also, long back, so lets just shut the Fuck up and talk about the word Fuck?


Everybody has a touching story about how they were introduced to this literary marvel. Maybe your brother gave it to you, or your sister gave it to you. (Or forced it onto you) Perhaps it was your neighbour, a friend..what the hell it may have been the TV.

My touching story begins with me joining a new school after a lousy 7th standard in a school where "idiot" was the biggest swear word I had known. If some kid yelled idiot, no not call ME an idiot, even if he yelled 'The I-word' aloud at someone else or even at nothing then I would

"ohhhhhh you said bad word, wait I will tell teacher. Maaaaaaaaam maaaaaaam he said bad worrrrrd "

After that the teacher would come and spank the living fuck outta these anti-social elements who spoke of the 'I-word'. (Which I was made to believe was an abomination to God)

8th standard came and I was in a new school. In this new school, it was customary to bring a new guy up-to speed of all their heart-warming traditions. I remember my very first day in my new school. Everyone seemed to be like crazy animals, shouting yelling, throwing stuff. All this was new to me. In my earlier school, everything had to be well-mannered and disciplined. Anyway, its barely 10 minutes after my first assembly here, and as we returned to the classroom, this guy comes up-to me and says

"Hey new boy, what's your name?"

"I'm so&so"

"Hello 'so&so', do you know what Fuck means?" (Time is money and he was stingy)

I just looked at him puzzled. And he went on

"Fuck! Fuck? F U U U U K. FUCK! dunno?"

I looked on more puzzled.

"Have you seen Titanic?"

"Yes"

"Did you watch what they do in the Jeep properly?"

"Not clearly"

"But you have an idea right?"

"No"

"God..OK Anyway. That is fucking"

"OK"

By now quite a group had come together to watch my holy acceptance tradition going on.

"Do you know how babies are born? "

"No"

"By fucking"

"OK" (After the horrible ending to the conversation I was clearly confused about whether I just learnt English or Cinema or Biology)

---------
I learnt a lot that day on my first day of school. I just wish I could say I was proud of it all!

Later in the evening that day, as I got into the school bus to head back home, two guys, also from from the other section, sat next to me. One of these guys spoke to me, while the other just watched on, with a silly smirk on his face:

"Hi, what's your name?"

"So&so"

"OK, I'm guy1, he is guy2"

"Hello:)"

"Aren't you the new guy who hit M C D?"

(Worried) "Hmmm, is he hurt? Im sorry, I wouldn't have..."

"Why did you hit him?"

"He threw stones at me, one of them hurt me hard on my forehead"

"Why did he throw stones at you?"

"I dunno. After that he was just smiling when I asked him. So I hit him"

"Good. We don't like him either"

Now I started to feel good. I had met somebody better than the other horrible boys n girls. Somebody I could have a normal conversation with, which did not involve introducing me to a new swear word, somebody to...

" Did you get hurt? "

"No"

"Cool...so do you know what Fuck is? "

-------------------------
Things have changed a lot from that fateful day to date. Today, Fuck is the brilliant answer to almost all of life's burning questions.

Its already 1 AM have you taken the dog out?
Fuck!!!

How was your exam?
Got fucked.

Is your Crush good looking?
She is fuckin cute.

Please don't feel bad but everybody here hates you.
Like I give a fuck

How much you studied?
Fuck off.

How about you take me to Coffee day after your exams? Or atleast Icecream?
How about a fucking no?

I dunno why people don't like this word. And I definitely dunno why people don't like me.
I'm such a sweet, soft and decent guy!

I'm thinking as I write this, from now onwards, any day I try to put up my angel face, people will straight-away say "Hey, aren't you the guy who wrote the 'fuck' blog?"

The world is so FUCKED up!

World's most happening friends list

In India, people love to talk(and definitely not listen). And half the people on Gtalk may not even know how to compose and send an email (Except forwarding other people's meaningless mails) but they sure know how to chat on it!

You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out how to chat on gtalk, which is why its the most popular thing on the internet around here. Any fool can be a techno-crappo without even knowing what that even means!

Why am I saying all this? You must have thought that when I wrote "My incredible boring life" post a few days ago, that I wrote just for the kicks...right? Ohh so funny and all? Not really.

You must really take a look at my friends list on Gtalk in the peak hours. (India's most popular online app)










They are ALL IDLE!!! What the hell are they so busy with? I just don't get it!

Who the fuck do I speak to man?!?!?!!!

Disclaimer

After severe public outcry against the lack of disclaimers on my blog, I have decided to add a disclaimer finally.

Please understand that if I have spoken about someone/something who sounds a lot like you (even if its you) I'm not speaking about you, because you are probably not worth it.

This blog is not for people who are offended easily and/or have relatively poorer sense of humour.

So reminding you, that, due to the kind of language used on this site, besides the fact that the author is inexcusably egocentric, it is not suitable for readers of any particular group, ethnicity, region or age!

So nobody should read it!
Please note: There are only two people who still read this blog, one is yourself, who is reading it right now and the other is not online. You both should know, you make your cold man happy!

My incredible boring life

This was supposed to be posted this February, and thus included how I always miss the first the class and get kicked out of the next, etc., But then the post turned out to be really long and I thought "Hey! Why would anybody be interested in my lousy life? Why would anyone go through such a long post?". And lo, the draft was buried 6 feet under.

I understand that my long posts don't work for you, but short posts are not working for me. Since I am at the centre of the universe, I'm afraid I will have to support me :P
Here is the story finally published, but this time, my incredible boring life doesn't even involve college.




After some real sleep
--------------------------

My typical day starts at 10:30 AM when all the kids in the neighbourhood have gone to school and attended at least 2 and a half hours of classes.

For the past three hours mum has been shouting at me to wake up. Dad has kicked me at least 7 times in the behind. The mutt has put his nose into my room through the window and whined at me at least 20 times. Even the maid has come in to clean and "accidentally" bumped my bed hoping to startle me out of my dead-like state. She fails badly as usual and mumbles something like

"What kind of a boy is he, sleeping when the sun is overhead, if he was my son I would have..."

I always miss the final words.

The phone has croaked with messages and more messages.

-Good morning! I want your MP3 player for a few days
-What was your project on?
-Did you watch the match yesterday?
-Hey, what's better Sony Ericsson 9857skjg or a Nokia 34958skjh?
-Hey why haven't you replied? I am at the shop, tell fast fast.
-What colour are your eyes?

(Not to mention the one-smiley-per-sentence policy that everyone seems to follow right now)

And many many more terribly important questions that just HAVE to be asked at the crack of dawn.(My dawn).

I have just heard the phone croak, I have no idea where the phone is. I grope around with my eyes closed and search for the cell on my bed. It's here somewhere, between the sheets or something.

Ahh, I find it. I carefully open one eye and look at the time. I have woken up early, it can't be over 7 AM at least today,lets see, fingers crossed..

Drum rolls..

The time is...


my heart beats with anticipation...


the suspense, I can't bear it...


10:30 AM!!


Oh phew, its just...WHAT!!!!!!!! TEN F%&&ing THIRTY AM???????

I take some time to blame myself, the alarm clock, my cell and ultimately God for not waking me up early.








The waking up ceremony
------------------------------

I roll over a few times and finally get up on what seems to be the wrong side of the bed every single day no matter which side I get up from.

I walk out wobbling like a drunk, stretching and finally collapsing onto a chair in the hall. There is the days newspaper somewhere, I pick it up and start glancing the headlines, still with eyes being open as little as possible. Just enough to let me read it and not enough to let much light inside.

It takes me about half an hour to get fresh. I come back and sit at my desk. I start the system to check for mails. Mum comes in and shouts at the top of her voice, which is usually half of how much I normally speak when trying to speak softly, and says "Get your tail of that chair and go take a bath. Is this the time to wake up? When will you have breakfast? And I will faint by the time you have lunch"
She pulls me and tugs at me. But I just lie there like a lump of mass.

"Chillax ma, I'll just have brunch yo"

" Yo my foot, you and your brunch. You call this a lifestyle, I dunno what I have to deserve this.."

She says that as her voice fades away between the criss-crossing walls of our home and into the kitchen.

Suddenly I realise something and I run behind her and start begging..

"Maaaaaaaa....maaaaaaa......"

"What ma? Who ma? I'm not your ma! What do you want? Shoo get lost. Watchmaaaan "

" Ma..haaa-haaa-aaaaaaa!! "

" Yeno adu? (What is it?) "

" Kaa..."

" What?? "

" Kaaa-feee "

" Coffee??? Go take a bath first, then have breakfast. Then coffee. "

I hug her tightly from behind, shake her up real good and shout loudly in her ear

"Coffeee coffee COFFEEEEEE "

"Yey...bidu (Let go off me)"

"Maaa haaaaa haaaaaawww"

"BIDUUUU"

"Kaaaaaafeeeeeeee"

and run away back into my room.

The spoilt son that I am, she proves by finally bringing a big glass of my elixir.




The coffee
------------

I Liked my coffee like I like my chicks, Hot, Wet and brown. And that's how its served for me.

BTW, do you know how I drink my coffee?

I first smell it. Ohhh..that kick...I smell it, I smell it...I smellllllllllll it...I let it completely take over me.

Then once I start sipping, I don't take the cup off my lips until its over. Friends say, I drink like a baby. Who cares. Me and my coffee, together forever at last! I will never leave you honey. Nobody will come between us.

I start dreaming about Me and The Coffee cup filled to the brim, running towards each on a beautiful beach with arms outstretched. And when it just looks like the two are gonna live happily ever after...screeech...I run outta coffee.

I start cursing at my life. Why can't I just have an unlimited reservoir of coffee man? It's not like I'm asking for a lot! Right?

Thank you God for Coffee, Chocolate and Cricket!





The Internet
---------------
Yeah, the internet business starts before the bath. Well a bit of it. Its just like checking mails n sh!t.

"XYZ also commented on ABC's shitty status"
"fwd:fw: beautiful words"
"Fw:fwd: plzzzzzzzzzzzzz pass this on don't neglect"

C'mon man what the hell ever happened to normal people and normal mail?

Hmmm. This is the internet, where little girls are CIA agents and jobless fools call themselves Iceman and believe they are anonymous!

The Bath
-----------
Well, to sum it up, I'm done at around noon. You must have already guessed that my brunch takes really really long.

Rest of the day
------------------

Staring at the wall
NFS-Most Wanted
Staring at the wall
Movie
Staring at the wall + lunch
chatting + explaining to everyone how I stare at the wall
Staring at the wall
And before I know it... BAM! Its night. Time to sleep. Except that I am not sleepy!
And did I mention staring at the wall?? It must have skipped my mind.



Somebody find me a job!

Will Work
for
coffee

State of high temperature or agitation

I apologise for the confusing title :D I looked up the definition of fever and it said "state of high temperature or agitation" and I found it really funny. Agitation!!

Yesterday, I suffered from only the 5th or 6th headache of my life so far (Yes! That's true) and it was so bad that I felt like putting a bullet in my head.

At around 7 PM I caught fever and shivers and the pig started haunting our imaginations at home.

"What if I die before that zombie thingy happens in the city? I can never be a hero"

Anyway, it kept getting so bad, that I was sure I was not gonna wake up today morning. I went to bed on an empty stomach, a paracetamol and a rantac (No, I usually don't favour medicine/pills).


Yet, Wonder of wonders, here I am, after a rough night, tired but alive. And no fever.



Satan can sleep in peace - For Now!

And then God said - "let there be sound!"

My god! Did you hear that sound? Strange mysterious noise in the sky?

Today early morning at 11:30 AM I heard some really huge thunder, which was anything but thunder! More like a boom.

I was having bath and there is was. BOOM! And the then it was followed by a dampening sound, like fading thunder which went on for nearly 2 minutes. Man I have never heard anything like it.

I was like Wicked!!! At last something is going in this city which now resembles a sleepy hill station!!

The sound came from the south where the Rare Metal Projects plant is located and it got me thinking.

What if some Uranium or Plutonium reactor thingy or something went outta control?

What if people outside got exposed to radiation?

What if everyone exposed to radiation turned into zombies?

What if people bitten by these zombies were also turned into zombies?

What if the city had to be sealed off for containment?

What if some really hot girl turns out to be all alone in this dreaded city?

What if I be her hero and save her along with me and my family?

What if...

Suddenly I heard another bang, which startled me outta my honey coated dreams. It was dad who banged on the door and shouted at me to..well..

"Get your a$$ out of the bath you filthy..."


Anyway, nobody knows yet what the sound was. It seems it was heard in the neighbouring cities.
People are all freaked out and shit. Policemen were running around crazy all day trying to figure out what happened.

I hope its something really cool. Not like some Sonic boom that a local scientist predicted. If its a sonic boom from a jet, it can't be heard in other cities, so that theory is hopefully buried. He is probably a dumb ass. There was supposedly a plane in the sky at the time. But a sonic boom from a plane will be heard long after its gone right! Huh! Kill joys.

See you next time, in the news, if at all I do turn out to be that hero! Or else, oh well, I still have my blog.


(Post Title inspired by Arjun)

Jobless..sh!t jobless!

The most common question you run into these days is
"What you been upto"
"How you spending time?" etc,.

If you read the "Jobless, but not jobless" post, you be greatly surprised at the changes in the few days ever since.

--

For starters, I have been idle! Now, I may not be hard working, but still I am scared of the word idle. It's just I am always doing something, just that it ain't always productive. For example, blogging, chatting, well..something. Now I have been idle.

I write few lines for a new post, then I delete the whole post.
I decide to watch a movie, I close VLC when the credits begin.
I wanna play NFS, I say Im playing..but I never start a single pursuit/race.

-Ok, ok we get the point, So what the hell do you do?

I sit on my chair..and then I stare at the wall all day. You know what the scary part is? I am not even thinking when I do that.

--

For the last few days, my parents have grown tired of watching me do this and like a bolt outta the blue, my dad shot the dreaded question that every son would have nightmares about:

" You can't sit at home like this forever. You gotta go and do something soon. You are doing nothing at home! "

I'm like, Dad! It's F**kin recession, I even got a job, they just didn't call me! I'm searching alright? There are no openings for me...its not I like what I am doing here..baaaah!!!!

But Nope-uh! Nobody is taking any of that.

Let me tell you a secret. I'm no angel, but every time I was reminded of someone being unemployed, it used to break my heart. It's like a nightmare.


--

I watched a movie called Step Brothers. It's got that guy Will Ferrell in it. I hate that fool. All his movies are gross. I can't eat properly for days after watching his movies. But I did watch this one anyway.

The movie is about two grown ups, 39 and 43 or something each of who don't have a job and are living with their parents living off their earnings. They still act like kids n all. One of them actually ends with up a hot chick, but hey, isn't that why they call it a movie?

The movie is supposed to be comedy man, and it scared me so much that I almost sh!t myself.

Am I gonna be like the morons in that movie? Living off my parents work till I'm 40??

It sounds ridiculous, I know, but that's what the movie made me think.

--

Yesterday, I finally attended an interview for a call centre job (Well, it's sorta like a call centre). All through the process, I kept thinking

"What the fuck am I doing here?...What the FUCK am I DOING here?"

Four years back, if I knew that I would have ended up here after BE, I would have hanged myself I think. Besides, I did fuck up my BE. Ofcourse, VTU played a huge part in screwing my BE along with me. Sounds like gang rape doesn't it?


All through the interviews, I kept stressing on how I was NOT interested in their job.

"Are you comfortable working in a far away city?"

"Nope!"

"Are you comfortable with.."

"Nope!"

"But I didn't complete my question"

":)"

"Are you.."

"Nope!"

"Are.."

"Nope!!! Nope nope nope!"

Later..

"I have so and so problem in my internet connection, everything is perfectly setup, how do I fix it?"

"well try checking the router bulbs.."

"Its perfect!"

"Ok, try the network connection settings, right click and..."

"That's also perfect!"

"hmmm??"

"Everything is perfect, but there is a problem"

"Ok, use trouble shoot"

"Can you take us through the troubleshooting steps?"

"Sure...press troubleshoot" (In my mind I also heard myself say.."MORON!!")

That's when my "Technical" interview ended...abruptly.

But still, I was sent through to the last interview of the day.
In that last interview I must have really pissed him off..

"So..Mr.Ice...what is your dream job?"

"I would after some experience want to end up with development and stuff..y'know?"

"Ok, suppose I offer you our job and after 6 months, you get job in a development domain, what do you do?"

"If I had any chances of that, I don't think I would be attending your interview"

He stared at me with wide eyes for a moment, with half a heart to slap me. But he continued.

"Im giving you a situation"

"Oh hypothetical?"

"Ahh yes, that's the word, hypothetical"

"Ok, in that case, I would leave your job in a heartbeat"

"Ok"

and then again...

"Are you comfortable working in a far away city?"

"Nope!"

"Are you comfortable with.."

"Nope!"

"But I didn't complete my question"

":)"

"Are you.."

"Nope!"

"Are.."

"Nope!!! Nope nope nope!"

--

"Well that's all the questions we have for you. Do you have a question for us?"

"I heard I can't attend any other interviews in other branches of your company if an offer is made to me by you..is that true?"

"Why???? WHY????? WHY do you want to attend other interviews once you work for us?"

" Hypothetical situation :) "

" You can't! For TWO YEARS! "

"Thank you sir"

"Thank YOU! You can expect a phone call next week."


----

Well, If I were you, I wouldn't put my money on that offer :D







I'm really confused now.
-----------------------------
One person says, - if they call you, go for it, don't be idle at home.

A senior says (and he is one wise guy) - Don't join, the job will be at odd hours, you will loose focus.

Dad says - we could use the money

Mum says - I dunno. It's your wish

Some Independence day huh? I can feel the freedom in my veins.

What the hell do I do?


I guess I'll just close blogger and go back to staring at the wall. Bye.

To err is Human

Today is important

Today I forgive

Today, is the day, I forgive even my cousin, for being such a _____

Today I forgive Everyone

Today I am free...

Jobless, but not jobless

Ok. Today is Raksha Bhandan and I have spent the whole day hiding under my bed. The day is almost over and this is not exactly what I had in mind when I thought of my life in August 09 a few months ago.

I thought I'd be complaining about Stifled A/C rooms, polluted cities and about missing friends " :( " and stuff like that than about how ferocious the mosquitos are under my bed and the amount of dust the Maid forgot to clean up under there. I even tried to draw a tree and some hills and a sunset on all that dust, but it started looking like something else, that's when I realised I am no Picasso.

I am in one of those weird situations where you have been offered a job but the company doesn't really want you anymore. [Read Dipshit]

Here is an account of my life lately:

~I don't have a job! But still, I have no time to come online for over 20 mins. So don't scratch your head on the title.

~I might be busy, but I am still bored

~I have finally enjoyed in patches with - A trip to M.M.Hills, The K.R.S, a school reunion and usual hangouts at the Betta.

~My fighters are still not making any love!

~People take my words a whole lot seriously now. Everytime I post a blog, I have to explain something, everytime I publish a Rakhi Sawanth Joke, I have to explain I don't hate Rakhi Sawanth or Arnold Schwarzenegger or anybody.

~I am the most un-serious man in the world. I'd be laughing six feet under losers, get over it!

~When people ask me what I have been busy with, and I can't really sum it all up in one go, they all think I'm showing off to sound important and shit. They are pissing me off.

~Katrina Kaif is hot.

~Priyanka Chopra doesn't have taste.

~I am wondering if I should learn something in music or something. Though I don't know why.

~Tell me something, do I sound like a desperate guy? (Don't answer that, Its there to rhyme with - I dunno why)

~Now at least one person will say "Don't worry it will be alright" which is the last thing I want to hear right now.

~On the 'ok' to 'somewhat ok' news range -
The SMS group seems to working properly again. But its the old group not the new one. In case you wanted a few laughs everyday.
SMS
JOIN INSANITY_UNLTD
to
9219592195
To join!

~Just a little more to convince you that life has totally hammered me right now:

~I think this is a crappy post, but I'm still publishing it. I dunno why.

~There are ants running around on my desk. I dunno why.

~I just used 'I dunno why' four times. I dunno why.